Math Won't Miss You

Sundays always make me feel horribly depressed and this Sunday is no exception but I feel even worse because it's my former best friend's birthday. We haven't spoken since last May and I have no plans to ever speak to her again even though she misses being friends with me. I don't think I could forgive her for what she did and if we were to become friends again she would just do it again.

I have a track record with befriending people who don't really care about me but it kind of hurts knowing that I invested so much time in a friendship that she ruined because of her desire to be considered cool by a bunch of assholes.

Whatever, it's over. Our friendship was really over last October after the PSAT.

In more cheery news, I went into the city last night with JS, RM, and AF and we went shopping around Union Square. I got a couple t-shirts from a thrift shop, a cool hat from an outdoor market, and some Buffy comic books from Forbidden Planet. There was a little drama but it was all settled by the end of the night.

Anyway, my guitar came in the mail on Thursday and I haven't stopped practicing since. I really want to get good at it. I used to play guitar in sixth grade but I gave up because I thought it was too hard but there is no way I will give up on myself again.

Alright, I'm off to explore the universe.

-Suburban Bleach

Sleeping Motor Boy

Wow, I've really been lax in updating this thing. Eh, whatever. It's my journal.

So, I went to Portland this weekend and just got back a few hours ago. It's a really awesome city. I kinda really want to live there one day. Maybe after college. I really loved Lewis and Clark College and it has given me some doubt about whether I want to apply early decision to College of the Atlantic. I'll probably figure it out by December 1.

I'm very very happy that I'm finally done with looking at colleges for a month and I only have one left, University of Washington during Thanksgiving Break. Yes! I can finally be social again. I have been horribly deprived of contact with my buddies outside of school.

Anyway, crush update: On Friday, basically all of my friends were either on an Italian class trip or not in school so I started talking to crush girl and I found out a lot about her that I didn't know like that she has no clue what underground pop punk or american hardcore actually is (despite claiming to be a huge fan) but the fact that she thinks she likes that stuff makes me like her more.

On a more somber note, a few really shitty things happened this week. First, OiNK, an awesome bit torrent website was hijacked by Interpol (the police, not the band) and the owner was arrested.

Second, which I was really upset over almost all of yesterday, is that Lance Hahn, one of the greatest musicians in the modern pop punk movement, died on Sunday. I love J Church and Cringer and I think he was an amazing musician and I really can't believe he's dead. The lines "I don't believe in god above or the devil below/And I don't believe I'll need some proof before I go" from his song "Blasphemous" have been going through my head the past few days. God, I just with shit like this didn't happen to good people.

Sorry that this ended so somberly.

-Suburban Bleach

History Is History

I hate to sound like a stereotypical lesbian but my cat is so freaking adorable. I just went into the kitchen to put up a pot for pasta and my cat was standing on the island and when she's usually up there I shmoose with her but today I just stared at her to see her reaction. She was taken aback and stood still for a few minutes and then started leaning forward like she was saying, "Come on, already!" It was so cute that I can almost forgive her for sneaking out of the house today.

Anyway, I think I may be crushing on someone but if my friends ever found out, they would freak out because many of them have a weird past with her. I don't really know her that well but lately I have been trying to become friendly with her because, despite my friends' issues, I think she's okay (and hot). I dunno what I'm gonna do about this weird crush thing. I'm not going to act on it because she identifies as straight (despite how much she sets off my gaydar) so it's not like my friends will ever find out.

Whatever.

-Suburban Bleach

Dreamt This Was A Castle

Wow, I haven't updated in a little while. Oops. I have been very busy though. Traveling, homework, college stuff. It can seriously cut into a girl's free time.

Anyway, last weekend I headed up to Maine with my mother to check out College of the Atlantic. IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING! I loved every little thing about it. Holy crap! Early decision for sure.

I also visit SUNY Genoseo on Saturday. Eh, it wasn't horrible but I'm excited about it or anything. There is a Tim Hortons in town though and they have the greatest donuts in existence (this is coming from someone who used to work at a donut and coffee chain).

Now I'm off to do something important, I guess.

-Suburban Bleach

Am I Missing Something

Ugh, I hate being sick, especially since I can't be absent from school. I hope I'm not sick when I go to Maine to visit College of the Atlantic. That would be lame.

Anyway, I went to Florida for the weekend to visit my grandfather and look at University of Miami. I did not like the school at all. It has 16 frats an 13 sororities. Jesus Christ! Not my type of places. Although my brother thought it would be a good school for me. I could never live in that weather. I'm a sweatshirt and jeans type of girl.

Uh, in other news, I learned yesterday that SG has signed up with the Marines and is shipping out in July. I can't believe it. He is a really nice guy, and although he isn't that good at school, I think he should have considered something else. I really hope nothing happens to him.

Bleh, on a lighter note, I really want a girlfriend but there is no one who I would want to date (beside Janet but she's basically out of the picture at this point) and there isn''t really an abundance of lesbian/bisexual girls at my school. I guess I'll have fun with another year of singledom. At least I have my friends.

Alright, I'm off to be tutored.

-Suburban Bleach

Pocket Bomb

This week has been very busy/interesting. Yesterday was the premiere of the documentary and my family loved it (although their opinions are very skewed).

I also found out yesterday that Tofu misses being friends with RK and me, which I find very interesting because I always assumed she hated us as much as we despised her. Its her fault though. She shouldn't have taken us for granted and completely ignored us because some "cool" upperclass scenester wanted to be her friend. Now she has no friends and she has to deal with it. Her mom waved to me at the library today and that was kind of awkward but I bet she wishes that RK and I were still friends with Tofu because we are such a better influence than the losers she replaced us with.

In other news, my guidance counselor completely crushed all my dreams and hopes of going to college. She told me every single one of the schools (that other students from my high school have applied to) I am applying to are reach schools. Come on, SUNY Stony Brook is not a reach. Ugh, now she wants me to apply to Florida Institute of Technology. Ew. I'm not even gonna look at it when I go to Florida this weekend.

Uh anyway, tomorrow will be awesome. I'm going see Barack Obama speak at Washington Square Park. I've been kinda on the fence about who to vote for in the primaries (I can't believe I will be able to vote in the primaries next year!) and hopefully this will sway me one way or the other.

I'm so freaking hungry. Peace out.

-Suburban Bleach

Her Last Day

I'm officially unemployed! Woo! No more waking up at 6:00 AM every Saturday and Sunday morning anymore... oh wait, actually I'll be getting up earlier now because my parents believe in red eye flights. Eh, visiting colleges is ten times better than working at that hell hole of a job with the god awful manager.

Anyway, I said before that PW has been annoying me lately but I hung out with her and the usual gang on Friday night and she told me she actually agreed with one of my points during our GSA argument. I also found out that everyone has been having a problem with SB lately, not just me. I'm very relieved.

Now I'm off to use el bano.

-Suburban Bleach